The God Who Sees Us
I’ll be honest, there are many times when I pray that it feels like I’m just throwing words up at the ceiling.
Intellectually I know and believe that God is there. That God hears me.
But that doesn’t change the fact that as a human, I still feel alone with my thoughts. Wondering if God actually hears what I’m saying.
Growing up in the church, I heard, “Don’t trust your feelings, they can and do lie to you.” And here’s the thing, I get where they were trying to go with that (even if now I really, strongly disagree with that statement).
In moments like this, I feel alone, but I’m not truly alone. God does hear me.
But here’s my problem with the whole “don’t trust your feelings” phrasing. I am not and was never meant to divorce myself from my feelings. To pretend that they don’t exist and aren’t a very real part of what it means to be human and fully alive.
And honestly, shoving them down or just saying “this isn’t true” doesn’t always help. And can create more harm than good.
So what’s a person to do?
I can’t help but think of Hagar’s story in Genesis 16. She often gets overlooked as we rush through Abraham and Sarah’s story. We like to focus on Abraham faithfully answering the call in Genesis 12 and then skip to the part where God keeps God’s promise and Abraham and Sarah have a son named Isaac.
But it’s Hagar’s story that I find myself drawn to.
Hagar was Sarai’s slave. And Sarai (her name hadn’t been changed to Sarah yet), she was nervous about God not keeping the promise to Abraham about children. And while I can understand Sarai’s fear and doubts, it’s her response to those doubts that starts a problem.
See Sarai did what many of us do, she attempted to control the situation. And in her search for control, she did great harm to another.
She gave Hagar to her husband in hopes that she would become pregnant, and then Sarai could take that child and raise it as her and Abram’s own.
Hagar had no say in this.
And lo and behold, Hagar did become pregnant. And was then mistreated horribly by Sarai..the one who started all of this.
So understandably Hagar ran. And as she ran, she poured out her heart to God. She didn’t ignore her feelings or her reality. She trusted herself and trusted that someone, somewhere would hear her.
And that’s exactly what happened. In Genesis 16:11, an angel of the Lord tells Hagar:
“The LORD has listened to your affliction…”
Genesis 16:11
Hagar gets an answer. Even though the people who owned her and used her didn’t care and didn’t listen, God did.
If you read the story, the answer she’s given might not be what you would expect. She’s told to return to the situation, a troubling idea. But scholars Delores Williams and Elsa Tamez argue that this command is given to ensure that both Hagar and her child Ishmael will survive.
On top of that, she’s also given a promise that echoes the promise Abraham was given by God earlier in Genesis 15. She is told that her descendants will be too numerous to count.
But it’s what happens next that’s my favorite part of the whole narrative. In Genesis 16:13, Hagar says:
She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”
Genesis 16:13
In this moment, it is Hagar who actively names God, not God who reveals a name to Hagar like you see in Moses’ story in the book of Exodus.
And what a name it is.
“You are the God who sees me.” Even here. In the wilderness. As I run from a life where I was routinely and intentionally ignored and left unseen, you see me.
And that name continues to ring true in Hagar’s story. Later in Genesis 21, God again sees Hagar’s situation and makes good on the promise given in chapter 16. Hagar is told to flee and is given the means to survive by God.
God continues to provide for her and her son Ishmael throughout their lives, and her descendants do become too numerous to count.
I think that if Hagar had put her thoughts to paper, it probably would have been pretty similar to the psalmist in psalms 94 & 138.
On the day I called, you answered me, you increased the strength of my soul.
Psalm 138:3
When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.
Psalm 94:19
So what’s the takeaway from this passage? There are two things to reflect on:
Where in my attempts to control the situation I find myself in, am I acting like Sarai and causing harm to others?
The thing I love about scripture is that it doesn’t shy away from all the ways in which we as humans are messy. It doesn’t try to cover up flaws or terrible, problematic actions. Instead, it lays it all out there for us the readers to see and wrestle with.
Abraham makes it into the faith chapter in Hebrews 11. He’s a patriarch and a pillar of the faith.
And yet, he also acted in this way.
We as humans are capable of doing real good and also real harm.
So one of our responses to reading a passage like Genesis 16 is to not rush straight towards identifying only with Hagar and saying “You are the God who sees me.” (Even though it’s true)
Instead, one of the things we are asked to do is sit in the discomfort and seriously consider what are the ways in which we can identify with Abram and Sarai in this story?
It’s painful, yes, but it’s necessary.
The second question to reflect on is this:
Do I trust that God sees and hears me? Why or why not?
In those moments of prayer when it feels like you’re just talking to yourself, that’s an invitation to do some reflecting.
Instead of just saying “this isn’t true” or “my feelings are a lie” and trying to move on, do some investigating.
What’s causing you to feel so alone and isolated? Why do you feel like God doesn’t hear you?
Be honest and real about why you’re feeling that way. There is no wrong answer here.
And then, speak it all out loud. Do like Hagar did. Or Job.
Tell God exactly what you’re thinking. Don’t worry about how others could perceive it or if it’s bad or wrong to doubt in this way.
God is big enough to handle all of it.
I’m not saying it’s going to be an instant fix. Or that you’ll immediately receive an answer like Hagar did.
But you’re also not hiding from God or your emotions.
And that’s the place where healing begins.
So this week, as you go about life I pray that you remember Hagar’s story and find encouragement and hope in it.
May you know to the core of your being that you are not and you never will be alone. May you trust that there is a God who sees you and hears you. May you find comfort in the presence of a God who answers.