Finding Freedom from Perfectionism

Moving through the holiday season and into the New Year has always been a time of reflection for me. I get excited at the prospect of setting new goals and bringing in new habits and routines. 

            But this year, it feels a bit different. It’s not only about creating goals like “I want to learn a new language” or “I want to try this style of working out this year.” 

            Instead, I find myself asking questions like “what kind of person do I want to become this year? What ways can I help bring about real and impactful change for my community? Where is God leading me to in this season?” 

            I think December going into January is a fantastic time to do some reflection. To think back on all of the lessons we’ve learned the last 12 months. To think about the changes that have occurred and all the things we still want to shift and adjust. 

            And the start of a new year lends itself to an attitude of optimism. Like we’re being given yet another fresh start to bring about good things, not just in our own lives, but in the lives of the people around us. 

            Thinking about it all is inspiring and exhilarating. 

            But it can also be overwhelming. Or exhausting. Because it can be so easy to think of all the ways we want to change ourselves and the world around us, and then  realize the gap between where we are and where we want to be is massive. 

            And maybe it’s just me and my perfectionism, but on top of all of this overwhelm, there’s also a sense of inadequacy that can start to creep its way in. 

            That voice that lets you know all the things you need to do and change in order to somehow be enough. In order to be the kind of person capable of showing up in the places you feel like God is leading you. 

            Wanting to change and seeing January 1st as the perfect opportunity to begin that process isn’t a bad thing. But it can quickly become a problem if you’re setting impossible standards for yourself. Standards that leave no room for grace or God’s action.       

            Enter this week’s advent readings. In particular, Zephaniah 3:14-20. 

            All of this reflecting on perfectionism began when I dug into part of the reading from Zephaniah which says,

On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hands grow weak. The LORD, your God, is in your midst, a warrior who gives victory; he will rejoice over you with gladness, he will renew you in his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. 

Zephaniah 3:16-17

            Yirpu, the verb that is translated as “grow weak” comes from the root word raphah (רָפָה) meaning to sink or relax. In Zephaniah 3:16 it refers to the idea of running out of energy or to lose heart. 

            The prophet Zephaniah was speaking to a people who would soon live through a time of destruction, displacement, and suffering. For them, the idea of letting their hands drop from exhaustion was soon going to be reality. 

            The last two years have been a time of displacement, suffering, and destruction for many. Losing heart and feeling like we’re collapsing under the weight of it all happened for a lot of us. 

            And as we attempt to pick up the pieces and rebuild, it can be tempting to try and do it all ourselves. To think, “If I just get the right habits in place and read the right books and change the ways I’m living in such and such a manner then it will all go perfectly.” 

            But that’s just not the case. Doing it all ourselves leads to fatigue, burnout, and a desire to give up. 

            I’m mindful of Paul’s work and desire to bring about real change for the communities he interacted with. The work was brutal and it often times left him in spaces of uncertainty. 

            On top of that, he had his own personal struggles to try and work through. So much so that he finds himself begging God to just take away his own issues so that he can be better for the people around him. 

            But the response he gets is not what he wanted to hear. The response he gets is this:

            But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” So I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong. 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 

            I’ve always struggled with this passage. For a person who wants to control and to make everything perfect, being told that my weaknesses are where God works the most is a tough pill to swallow. 

            I can make all the resolutions and do all of the self-reflection and set all the intentions to change. But I’m never going to get it perfect. It’s going to fall short in some way. 

            But that doesn’t mean I should give up and let my hands drop in exhaustion and let that be the end of the process. 

            The advent season is a reminder that the story doesn’t end with our hands dropping in fatigue. Instead, God enters into the scene to give victory. To rejoice over us with gladness. To bring us renewal through love. To exult over us with loud singing.  

            Bringing about change and goodness in our own lives and the world around us is possible. But as Paul was reminded, it doesn’t come about solely by our own effort. It comes about because God is in the mess with us. Working alongside of us. Empowering us to keep moving forward. 

            So yes set goals. Work diligently to make your life and the lives of those around you better. Rebuild and try and learn from this last year’s lessons. 

            But don’t try and do it all yourself. Have grace with yourself and others. Make room for God to work, even in and through the parts of yourself that you find less than stellar. 

            And when you find yourself slipping back into an attitude of perfectionism or overwhelm, recall the words that Jesus spoke in Matthew 11:28-30 

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

            My last bit of advice for approaching a time of reflection and goal setting is to keep in mind the words of Karl Barth,  

“Each of us is a unique creation placed by God in a particular time, at a particular place, and gifted with particular abilities, experiences, and associations. God calls me, and my response cannot but be a response that comes out of the way that I am made.”

Karl Barth, Church Dogmatics 

            You were given unique skills, experiences, and personality traits. Take stock of those things. Celebrate them. Then think about how you can use those things going into the new year to bring hope and life to your community. That’s how we can best learn from Christ and follow in his footsteps.   

If you want more tips on how to navigate seasons of change and transition, you can read all about it in this blog post. 

            If you want to catch up on the previous two weeks of advent reflections, you can read week 1 here and week 2 here.